Ramblings

A big ol’ pile of ramblings for your perusal…

Dreams
I awoke to a fit a coughing in the middle of the night… coughing is the bane of my existence these days. It shakes me from warm comforting sleep. It startles me and my felines from warm winter slumber. I arose and with a huff went down to the kitchen for another dose of cough syrup. Back up to my warm bed – under the several warm blankets… now alone since the felines didn’t desire my company any longer. I arranged my pillows into a strange semi-vertical pyramid of support and tried to get comfortable. Cough after cough. Then I drifted off to sleep.

I dreamt of large cats… tigers and lions and cougars… panthers and lynx. noble cats – large and strong but soft and cozy. warm bodies like my felines.

Then I dreamt of a lover returning from war. utter elation and jovial peace of mind. a homecoming long over due.

Setting changes to a hotel or cruise ship with casino. I can’t find my way to the room. I can’t get out of the throbbing loud mass of people. Then alone in a hallway I see a huge shark stalking a surfer. Large great white shark with gills flared and mouth wide, row upon row of jagged razor teeth. I call out but then the shark’s attention turns to me. I run.

Now I’m on a pier fishing. More poles than would ever be needed are tangled and hooks are dangerously dancing on wild lines. I’m pierced and caught by one hook, then another and another. Pain… trapped and helpless.

My Day
I began my morning with a bowl of oatmeal. I always eat my oatmeal lumpier than most prefer. I like it – and I can still hear “it’ll stick to your ribs” from some older family member in my childhood. I thumbed through the sketchbook sitting on my coffee table as I ate. My newest drawing is strange. Heck, all my drawings are strange, aren’t they? I think its beautiful though. I’m hoping to finish it today. I’m eager to show someone. I hope he likes it. Not sure why I’m so determined though. I haven’t done a piece of artwork for anyone in a very long time. I never recall pieces like that ending well. The one I used to share works with was never very enthused and offered no discussion on the piece. It crushed me. This new person does artwork of  his own. I’m hoping that alone will encourage a discussion of some kind. I don’t necessarily want a critique. I just want to talk about it…
I have a new idea swirling around my gray matter now. Its inspired by something he said. The juxtaposition of nature and technology. I laid down very basic shapes last night for it but I can feel it evolving within me. I’ll need an eraser handy if I work on it today.
I’m caught off guard in this situation. I read my horoscope which I rarely do but I’m always taken aback by how accurate zodiac sign descriptions are. I am a cancer. water sign. overly emotional at times but always feeling. i meander through the world with my heart open and exposed to everything… even pain. The horoscope mentioned a new person and potential. I can see potential.

I went outside and began raking leaves out of my west garden and “the pit”. The pit stands where my patio should be. I don’t have a patio yet and it aggravates and saddens me. Put off until another time… again… like so many other things that I desire. I would adore a patio. In the summer I could sit outside and sip a cup of tea while drawing or writing. I long to write again. I haven’t picked up a pen and paper to write something worth writing in so long. It intimidates me … but I really want to. Its eating away at my heart because I know something is in here. But back to raking. Leaves fall from the trees in autumn. Every year the cycle repeats itself. Every year I feel lost without the leaves on the trees. Days shorten and the sun hides behind clouds more days than I care to count. I feel cold and lost… afloat but moving only with the current, not on my own accord. I miss summer already. Autumn is a great season in the beginning. The overbearing heat comes to an end and the leaves dress up in the brightest array of imaginable color – but then it ends. Trees stand like skeletons, my gardens look like graveyards… I long for spring already and its not even December. I need colors and vibrancy of life to feel alive. I try to find beauty still… The lil animals running around the neighborhood collecting nuts and bits of this and that remind me that spring is inevitable. Hold on for the fight and soon the green will return. The monochromatic blah will fade away to greens and the rainbow of flora that always amazes my senses.

My parents called. They are on their way to help with the clean up. I wish I had someone. Someone who didn’t mind helping with tasks like raking leaves and preparing my gardens for the coming winter. My parents have each other. My sister has her new husband and two boys. I have three cats and five mice. I suppose today is not a very good “me” day.

Finished raking… hour after hour of raking and using the lawnmower to grind up the leaves. Its easier to bag them when they’re all chopped up. Also more space efficient. Everyone should do it. They don’t blow away after getting chopped up either.

Hot shower followed by a hot cup of green mixed berry tea and a warm croissant. Time to waste until I can do dishes. I should draw or something. I’m uploading pictures of my mice. My darling lil pet mice. I wish everyone could experience a well mannered pet mouse in their life time. I don’t think many people could resist their sweetness and entertainment.

Off to finish my day away from the computer. or perhaps I’ll be back. I should catch a cat nap… I wonder if any of the felines want to join me…

take care, be well, and try to see the brighter side ♥